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Little Drummer Boy

You excitedly put on your parade uniform, turned to me, and said, “Dako ak drum.” (My drum is big.) I just smiled back at you. Secretly, I glanced at your drum. Yes, I think it is big for you. And it is a bit heavy for you. But I knew you could go on with the parade with it.

Look at you now, all grown up. Soon, you’ll be a man, a big man, like you’ve always wanted to become. When I think of you crawling in bed six or seven years ago, I wonder what happened to all the years in between. They just flew by like a blur. I think you suddenly grew up.

I picked up your shoes and cleaned them and you thanked me. I felt a tug in my heart. My heart was broken into very, very small pieces and it felt like the pieces were drained right out of me, like the dry sands that fell from the soles of your shoes.

I looked at you as your turned to walk away, I wondered how it would have made you feel if it was your mother who cleaned your shoes.

Sometimes, I wonder how you manage to go on experiencing life without a mother. Yes, I do love you. Lolo and Lola love you. Tita H, Tito T, Tito N, and Tatay A love you. But I wonder if our love is enough, if it’s ever enough to take the place of a mother’s love.

Sometimes, I wonder if beyond your smiles you keep a secret longing for a mother’s warm hug.

Sometimes, I wonder if your mother ever remembers you. I am hoping she does.

At the parade, you smiled at me while your little hands, covered in white gloves, repeatedly beat the drum with those blue sticks. I am happy to be part of moments like thisโ€”your little happy moments, your little proud moments. And I will be happy to be part of more moments like this in your life.

You might someday ask me why your mother have left you. To be honest, I don’t know what I will tell you when that day comes, because I do not know the answer. I would also like to ask her the same question. I myself have always believed na walang inang natitiis ang anak. But in your case, sometimes I doubt the truth of this.

I always hope and pray that you grow up to be a good man. In the meantime, I will try to protect your tender heart from all the harshness of the world until you become strong enough to fight life’s evils on your own.

Posted 7 years, 2 months ago at 7:03 pm.


28 Replies

  1. Children make my heart melt. And I resent it when I see them cry, when I see them in the disadvantaged state… Children are the future’s precious gifts and in them we can have a glimpse of a shared future…

    Miss N., this post made me teary eyed…

    I honor you for your love and sacrifice for this precious child… ๐Ÿ™‚

  2. nortehanon Jul 5th 2010

    We have the same view when it comes to children, Mark. Nakakalungkot lang talaga kapag, tulad nga ng sinabi mo, they are in the disadvantaged state.

    As for this little guy, I’m hoping that someday his mother will look for him. The boy lives where he left him so alam naman niya address ng bata. And our house is always open for her. Unfortunately, even her relatives, also do not have any idea where she is now. The last thing we heard about her ay nag-asawa na siya.

  3. you continue to amaze me, miss n. this post nearly made me cry.

    i have a friend who was “abandoned” by her mother. he was born out of wedlock. it didn’t help that her mother married somebody else. while he was growing up, he wasn’t considered part of the family. he slept in the garage.

    during his sophomore year in college, his real father, who was a high-ranking military officer, told him that all he could do for him was help him join the u.s. navy. after some consideration, he took the opportunity being offered. it ended up to be a great decision on his part. after joining the service, his life turned around and he gained his self-respect.

    your nephew(?) is lucky to have you guys to support him. I’m confident that he’ll grow up to be somebody you can all be proud of.

  4. nortehanon Jul 5th 2010

    Sir, thank you for sharing the story about your friend. Isa itong kwentong kapupulutan ng aral. Nakatutuwa that life became better for him. I hope and pray that things will also turn out well for our little drummer boy.

  5. Minsan iniimagine ko kung ano ang pakiramdam ng mag aalaga ako ng isang baby o bata na hindi ko kadugo, yun bang aampunin ko lang at ako ang magpapalake at mag-aalaga sa kanya…ang sarap siguro ng pakiramdam ๐Ÿ™‚

  6. nortehanon Jul 5th 2010

    I have a friend who adopted a little girl. I remember her telling me na sa bawat sakripisyo nilang mag-asawa, mas masarap ang pakiramdam dahil ang pinagsisilbihan nila ay hindi kadugo. It’s their service to a person who’s not blood-related. Today, they are fulfilled parents to a kind and caring dalagita ๐Ÿ˜‰

  7. mhmmm…. i just read “for one more day” and its about mom’s. and this post reminds me of a mother’s love.

    i know.. medyo iba talaga pag ina eh… and yes.. maybe maybe may mga ganun na tanong sa puso nya.. pero.. he has you. who gives constant LOVE and support… and it may not come from his biological mom… but you are in some way a kindred spirit of his… that transcends everything.

    i wish him well. ๐Ÿ™‚ and you too Miss N. ๐Ÿ™‚

  8. nortehanon Jul 5th 2010

    Oh, another Albom hit. I’ve read that book, too, my dear Little Sis. Galing ng pagkakagawa ni Albom.

    We are doing our best to shower him our love and to guide him. Salamat, Tina.

  9. very heart(y) post Ms. N
    sure enough he will be a good and godly man

    be blessed always Ms. N

  10. nortehanon Jul 5th 2010

    I am also praying and hoping for that, Pong. Maraming salamat. God bless you, too.

  11. God bless him..and i know magiging mabuting tao siya dahil isang tulad mo miss n ang nagpalaki sa kanya..^_^

  12. wow.. a sacrifice.. a great love. it is hard to explain to the child especially when he is on the right age someday but because of what you are showing him now, his outlook of this what we call life will have a chance to get better. just continue to be a parent to him coz you will never know the outcome of this. you will be amazed how God will work in your life and bless you both, ๐Ÿ™‚

  13. nortehanon Jul 5th 2010

    “you will be amazed how God will work in your life”>>>Maraming salamat, Orville. God always amazes me with His revelations, big and small, every single day.

    Let me take this opportunity to congratulate your group for all the work you are doing. Sana ay tularan pa kayo ng mas maraming batang Pilipino.

  14. hi kapatid ๐Ÿ™‚
    nakaka-tocuh naman ang post mo.
    inimagin ko tuloy kung paano nga ba mabuhay ng walang magulang–ang hirap!

    pero kahit ganun, mapalad parin siya kase may mga katulad n’yo na nagmamahal sa kanya.

  15. nortehanon Jul 5th 2010

    Salamat, Kapatid. Yes, mahirap talagang mabuhay ng walang magulang. We are blessed na lumaking may mga magulang na nag-aaruga at nagmamahal. We are doing our best to make him feel loved.

  16. so cute ๐Ÿ˜‰

  17. nortehanon Jul 5th 2010

    Thanks, Arlini. I’m happy you’ve visited my blog again. Hope all is well. God bless.

  18. nawrongway Jul 4th 2010

    Hi. Dumadaan. Natats ako sa post. Super nakakarelate ako. ๐Ÿ™‚
    Mahirap lumaki ng walang magulang. Pero dahil nandyan kayo, mga taong nagmamahal sa kanya, sigurado akong lalaki syang mabait at malawak ang pang-unawa. ๐Ÿ™‚

  19. nortehanon Jul 5th 2010

    Hahaha, wrongway-wrongway ka pa dyan. Kilala kita because your email gave you up. I realized now that this post also speaks of you. At natutuwa ako na sa yo na rin nanggaling na kapag may mga taong nagmamahal sa paligid, lalaki ang isang tao na malawak ang pang-unawa. You know na marami namang nagmamahal sa yo kaya magiging malawak din ang pang-unawa mo sa iyong ina ๐Ÿ˜‰

    Kumusta pala, have you decided if you’re going to spend time with your family in Batangas? (Batangas nga ba yun?). Hope you’ll have a great time.

    God bless.

  20. nawrongway Jul 8th 2010

    Hahahaha. Honga eh. Di ko pala napalitan yun email address. ๐Ÿ˜€

    nakabalik na ulit ako sa Manila. 5 days ako sa Batangas. Baliktarin ko man ang mundo, nanay ko pa rin yun. Hehehe. Yun nga lang, iba pa rin pakiramdam. Maghihilom lahat sa tamang panahon. ๐Ÿ™‚

    Salamat! Ingat lagi.

  21. nortehanon Jul 9th 2010

    I like what you have said: Maghihilom lahat sa tamang panahon. Take it one step at a time. Some great relationships are built over time. Itinatanim, at mas masarap ang bunga kapat hinintay na mahinog. You’ll soon realize na mahal mo rin pala ang mother mo.
    I am proud of you for taking the first stepโ€”going to Batangas to spend time with her and her family. Sana’y maulit muli ๐Ÿ˜‰
    Ingat ka rin lagi.

  22. Awwww… I want to be a mother someday. And it crushes my heart everytime I hear stories like this. ๐Ÿ™

    Ang cute pa naman nya..

  23. nortehanon Jul 9th 2010

    Magiging mother ka rin someday, AC, and I’m sure you’ll gonna be a cool momma ๐Ÿ˜‰

    Yes, nakakalungkot yung mga ganitong pangyayari. I am hoping and praying na kahit paano ay naaalala pa rin siya ng nanay niya. Minsan nga imagine ko kung ano maging reaction niya kung makita niya ngayon ang anak niyang ito na malaki na.

    He is cute, pero makulit hahaha

  24. pamangkin mo sya? ๐Ÿ™‚

  25. Malay mo hindi nya masyadong iniisip yun, dahil from you and his titas and lola he already feels so loved. Pero true din, iba nga ang mother’s love. Swerte pa rin sya dahil naiwan sya sa mga taong gustong gusto sya kasama ๐Ÿ™‚

  26. nortehanon Aug 13th 2010

    Yes, ganun na nga lang ang iniisip ko, Vera. We’re doing our best to make him feel loved.

  27. I said hindi ako pwedeng hindi magcomment, I am touch, almost cry a tear Ms. N. But the smile in his innocent face melts my heart. I know that nothing can replace a mothers love pero with you guys supporting him all the way, I am sure he will be a good man someday

  28. nortehanon Aug 13th 2010

    Maaraming salamat sa pag-share ng feelings mo towards this post. Nakakalungkot ang ganitong pangyayari sa buhay ng isang bataโ€”angg iwanan ng kanyang ina. Sadly, this is the reality for many other Filipino children out there. Sana lang, katulad din sila ng pamangkin ko na sa abot ng makakaya ng mga kamag-anak ay minamahal sila.

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